If you’ve watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, then you know Garcelle Beauvais doesn’t need to do anything to stay relevant—as she pointed out to her fellow cast members in last season’s explosive reunion. As a former model and accomplished actress, Beauvais has had quite the illustrious career. She’s walked the catwalk for the likes of Calvin Klein and Isaac Mizrahi, graced the pages of Essence and Harper’s BAZAAR, shared the silver screen with Eddie Murphy in Coming to America, and, in 2019, she became the first Black Housewife on RHOBH. But the Haitian-American mother of three is just getting started.

Released on April 12, Beauvais’s latest project is a bittersweet and soul-bearing memoir titled Love Me as I Am, which charts her journey from her childhood in Haiti and family’s immigration to Boston all the way to where she is now, a happily busy television personality who is navigating raising her boys, looking for a soul mate, and maintaining personal peace despite the pettiness of certain castmates. Beauvais has been lauded by viewers for not only introducing needful conversations about race to the show, but for holding fellow cast member Erika Jayne, whose ex-husband is currently embroiled in a series of embezzlement lawsuits, to account for her alleged role in said legal issues.

In Love Me as I Am, her second book venture in addition to her I Am children’s series, which grapples with identity, Beauvais details her own reckoning with race, how she reclaimed her sexuality post-marriage betrayal, and how she’s remained resilient despite life’s hardships. She shares it all, and beyond her well-earned wisdom, readers can rejoice in the fact that she’s not afraid to admit she’s still just figuring it all out.

To celebrate the release of her book, Beauvais speaks with BAZAAR.com over the phone about sex after heartbreak, persisting in the face of self-doubt, and what’s in store for the next season of Housewives.

What was the impetus for writing this book? Has this always been a project you really wanted to pursue?

No, not really. Obviously, I've written my children's books, the I Am series, but I never thought I'd want to write about my life. What it came down to was I'm in a really good place personally and professionally, I've made some peace with my past, and I really felt like this is a great time to share my journey. I just feel like the 50s are fearless. And I feel fearless.

A particularly powerful theme of the book is the many manifestations of identity. Love Me as I Am is almost a living text of the "humans contain multitudes" notion. You discuss being a daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend, Black woman, immigrant, et cetera, and each of these experiences is written with such grace and generosity. Tell me more about your earlier stages of life and how they impacted who you are as an adult.

As you go through life, you pick up things. Some stick with you, some don't. For me, I had a disease to please, and I tried to find the balance between being a good girl and being a rebel. I was raised to be a good girl—in a way, to a fault—because I didn't realize that I could be nice and be a good girl but still stand up for myself. That came later in life.

Leaving Haiti at the age of seven gave me the strength to leave my home in Boston again at the age of 17 to go to New York to start modeling. I think if I was a sheltered little girl, I wouldn't have had the audacity, and my mom gave me the wings to fly. Especially with a Haitian family, culturally, the girls are really protected, so for her to be able to let me do that and let that be is amazing.

I didn’t realize that I could be nice and be a good girl but still stand up for myself.

I think your post-divorce chapters will really resonate with readers. Reclaiming agency post-heartbreak and trying to heal the lingering trauma are things we all have experiences with. What was important for you to include about that time in your life?

As soon as divorce or betrayal happens, the first thing you feel is, Am I not enough? Or, What did I do wrong? I brought it inward until I realized it's not really about me. How many beautiful, successful women get cheated on? Then when I got the clarity, like, Okay, it's not about me, it became, How do I let those negative thoughts about myself go and reclaim who I am and who I'm supposed to be?

I think for a lot of women, especially at this age, that's not when you want to start over. You don't get married to get divorced. Although divorce is not great, I think it's important in finding who you are. The one good thing is that we share our kids, but when I don't have my kids, I have time to go, What do I like? So it's sort of like you're reinventing yourself, if nothing else, just for you.

Love Me As I Am by Garcelle Beauvais

Love Me As I Am by Garcelle Beauvais

Speaking of reinventing yourself, an important part of that—one that you spend ample time on—is embracing your sexuality again. You literally use the phrase, "got my back blown out" when writing about someone you dated post-divorce and, frankly, I just think that's really special.

I couldn't walk the next day! I just feel like, You know what, that's real. I think people can relate to that, especially as you're getting older and trying to figure your body out. To me, writing this was really like girlfriends just talking. When no one's watching, when there's no cameras, we're talking about stuff like that. When I grew up, we weren't allowed to talk about sex. We didn't talk about our bodies. But I feel like people can connect to you being candid as opposed to making everything look perfect.

You certainly aren't shy when sharing things a lot of people would likely feel uncomfortable with, but what was the most enjoyable thing about your life to put to paper?

It was fun writing about some of my early beginnings in terms of modeling and acting, but for me, it was really writing about my front row—my friends who are there for me, no matter what. We don't even have to talk every day, but if any one of us needs something, we're there for each other. I really want women to get that out of this book. It's about supporting your friends and your friends supporting you.

Speaking of friends … you were the first Black woman ever to be a full-time cast member on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and have managed to become a fan favorite in two seasons. You write lovingly about being on the series, but did you ever picture yourself doing reality television?

Not at all, but I believe timing is everything. When my manager called me about it, he said, "Hey, Beverly Hills is interested in you. We're going to pass, but I'm just telling you, because you know everybody." And I said, "Hold on a minute, let me sleep on it." What really turned my head around was the fact that my kids were about to start middle school and I really wanted to be home more. So I was like, "You know what? I'm a fan of the franchise. I know some of the ladies, and they're friends of mine. Let's try something new."

There are nights that are tough, and I come home and I'm like "Oh, my God, I don't know if I can do one more day." But then, there are times that it's glamorous and fun and the absurdity of what we wear sitting in our homes…it's just insane.

This book is really about my journey. I feel like if I can make it, anybody can.

Now, the people need to know: What's the next season of Housewives going to be like? Is the season finale being filmed at your book launch party? If so, who's not invited?

That's a no, unfortunately. We finished before the book was ready. But you know, this season is a lot more fun, which I'm happy about, because last year I thought it was really heavy with all the Erika stuff. Friendships are definitely tested throughout this season. We have a new housewife, Diana Jenkins, and I get to bring a girlfriend [Sheree Zampino] in, so it's a lot of ups and downs. But I think there'll be a lot more fun throughout, which I think the audience needs. Drama will always happen!

I saw you posted a video recently on Instagram about feeling trepidation about how your memoir is going to be received. How do you deal despite those nerves and doubts?

Thank you for bringing that up, because that was really hard. I didn't know if I should post it, because I'm like, "Oh, is that too vulnerable?" I don't want to live with regret. I feel like everything gets me to where I'm supposed to be.

In the beginning of my book, I say, "There's only one way to avoid criticism, and that's do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." We're always going to be criticized. Someone's always going to be offended. But this book is really about my journey. I feel like if I can make it, anybody can. I came from a third-world country. I couldn't even dream as big as my life is now. I think it's just about being fearless. But that's not to say that I wasn't scared or I'm still not scared. I think it's just pushing through regardless of the fear.

Also for me, it's trusting my gut. That bitch knows best.

You're something of a renaissance woman—model, actress, host, Real Housewife, the list goes on. What could possibly be next for you?

Personally, I hope I get to meet my soul mate. That's something that I wish for, but I won't settle. I feel like when the timing is right, it'll happen just like everything else in my life. And professionally, I just signed a development deal with NBC. I really want to put out great narratives and fun shows.

Audra Heinrichs is a freelance feature writer and reporter, covering social justice, politics and cultural moments and movements. Her work has appeared in The Washington Post, Rolling Stone, The Guardian, Teen Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, and many more.